The Independent Dependent Stage

The 9 months mark is here, & we are just barely getting into the swing of things, I've come to the realization that Scarlett is no longer a little baby.  To me 9 months feels like almost a year - only 3 months to go.  Yesterday I think she realized it too, as she discovered a new game...let's see how far I can crawl before mommy comes & gets me.  Panting with excitement, she exaggerates her movements, slapping each hand on the floor as if it will make her go faster.  Every few strides, she stops, peeks over her shoulder to see if anyone is following her & grins.  Then off she goes again, heading towards the next room.


I think she just discovered that she can travel from room to room at a faster than ever speed, realizing a new Independence.  As long as I am watching or following her (& not sitting down) the game continues. The minute I sit or lay on the couch, she comes motoring back & insists I pick her up, burying her head into my shoulder, grinning away.  This is a fun stage, but simultaneously exhausting (for me, not so much for her). I suppose that explains why I've been so tired lately.  That & the new "good morning!" routine introduced this week.


In one way this independent dependence can be a good thing.  If she chooses, Scarlett can entertain herself for longer periods of time (with constant supervision required....it also happens to be a clumsy stage as well).  Yesterday I managed to get ALL the dishes done, while she kept busy pulling herself up on the fridge, then the stove, then the cupboards - door goes open, door goes closed, door goes open, door goes closed.  At that point I really did appreciate this in dependant dependant stage.


Then there are 'those days' when the squirt cannot get enough of her mom, particularly when she is feeling under the weather.  Sure I love that she loves me, but some days personal space is not even an option, & although it can get overwhelming after a while, you have to go with it.  Finally, after a 12 hour shift, "Daddy" comes home, also tired, & I am probably more excited than anyone to hand her off, but as soon as he picks her up & I make the slightest notion of leaving the room, she gets upset & reaches out to me.  Then her dad gets upset.  & so we are all upset. Depending on how stubborn I feel that day, I either leave the room or take her back.


One of the best lessons I've learned since motherhood has taken over my life, is to lower my expectations of getting any sort of work done when I am with Scarlett.  Some days things get done, but if they don't I work really hard not to get frustrated, & this has taken a huge load off my shoulders.  Still trying to work it out, I have had to lessen my workload (obviously) & make my clients understand that their pictures may take a bit longer to process.  I have to become much more disciplined during the delegated work time so that I can take a load off for the times I need to focus on raising my daughter minus the stress of what I haven't got done.  This is a process in development.


Maybe this sounds like a lot of complaining, but I must say each month she becomes more fun, fascinating & funny (& challenging) than the one previous.  There have been easier phases in the last 9 months, but I wouldn't choose to go back to any of them.  But I must give her credit, the kid has been pretty darn good to us.  Let me explain: she may be a little busier than most, but I'm sure we've had fewer sleepless nights than the average young family (the kid can sleep), no problems with food or drink (the kid can eat), & no full blown freak outs in public (that I can remember), overall, Scarlett is a pretty happy & healthy child.  In fact, there are rainy days that I don't even notice, because Scarlett brightens up the room.  So....I suppose this would be a good time to confess to my followers that I've been known to exaggerate some of her tendencies in the past, but in my defence, it makes for a much more interesting read.  So, you're welcome.

Scarlett's Play Date

I babysat Scarlett's friend Ella while her parents played ball.  Since this day, we've been working on Scarlett's social skills...
 
It started off with some sharing.  Very nice, girls.

Everyone was pretty happy about the playdate.

So I thought I would try to get some pictures on the couch....

....maybe not.

Scarlett doesn't go in her exersaucer very much anymore, but seemed to desperately want to now that Ella was in it, so she yelled at her. 

And then apparently tried to 'dump' Ella out of the exersaucer. Poor Ella, she did not deserve this.

She was also very protective over her toys.  When Ella would play with one (that Scarlett normally has no interest in), Scarlett would try to take it away. This made Ella cry.

Speaking of crying...

Ella started to get tired & wanted to be held. Scarlett did not like seeing her mom with another baby!  Needless to say the result was not pretty.

B is for...

Bottle!
 
Maybe I have one last feed in me.....maybe.  But then that's it.  I think everyone is happier because of it.
 
When I talk to other moms who have recently weaned their baby off the boob, they talk of mixed emotions, happy to be done, but sad too.  I don't really relate to them much, all I feel is the happy part.  Sure I bonded with her sometimes during the feeding.  I also got the crap beat out of me by her spontaneous arm swings & sharp little nails.  I won't even get into the nibbling (thank goodness for no teeth!). But I suspect most of those moms that miss it didn't have to go through the same thing I did.  When I think about it, I question whether I would do it again (but probably would).
 
They call it thrush.  Personally, I don't think that is a harsh enough word for it.  I know that others who've experienced this to the extent I did will understand.  And although I am finally done with it, it still weighs on me when I think of it.
 
It's true, I am one of the not so lucky ones to have this chronic case of systemic yeast infections.  Most of the time it's not a big deal, a little irritating, but nothing the odd pill, cream or even pro biotic yogurt couldn't fix.  Then the baby came along & suddenly I had sores where I never thought possible.  After some serious doctoring, a few nights of purple madness, & more than a handful of renewed prescriptions, I managed to get it under control - at least to the point where I was no longer walking around the house bra-less (even shirtless at times) saying "My boobs hurt!"  So for the remaining months as a nursing mother, I dealt with the much less severe, but quite annoying infection, symptoms showing up in waves.  Finally when Scarlett turned 7 months, I put my previous expectations aside & decided I had had enough, Scarlett was ready for independence (so was I).
 
I think Scarlett had decided she was ready too.  Less interested in mom milk (& a little frustrated in the lack of it) & more interested in what was happening around her, feeding became a bit more of a chore, followed by a temper tantrum (not me, the baby) & efforts to convince the child that she was finished her feed. Since the switch, Scarlett has grown length ways & sideways, is sleeping through the night, is so very happy & has learned to feed herself (I am pretty sure she preferred the bottle the first time we introduced it at 8 weeks).  Just the thought of Rodd getting up in the middle of the night or early in the morning to feed the baby has freed me.  Now just to convince him somehow...
 
Nature may look down on the fact that I don't miss the boob feeding, but I'm convinced I make up for it in other ways.  Scarlett doesn't let me off that easy.  I am her number one.  Sometimes I wonder if there is a magnetic force between us when in the same room.  No matter how many times I pick her up, & put her down on the other side of the room, she always finds her way back to me.  Followed by an attempt to climb my legs, looking up at me with her big blue eyes & saying "Mom." Maybe it is her way of letting me know that she misses it a little.  Maybe this closeness is a way of compensating for the breast-feeding, making it so easier to wean to the bottle.  Maybe it has nothing to do with it.  But I know my space will never be just my space, & I'm OK with that.

Mom's The Word

For months, Rodd & I have been competing to be Scarlett's first word, bombarding the poor child with "Mom"s or "Dad"s.  Being the competitive spirit that I am (not to mention the one that spends the most time & energy with Scarlett) you can imagine my excitement when Scarlett's first word was "Mom." Rodd was on the night shift, so other than reinforcing this accomplishment, I wasn't sure what else to do about it.  Rodd was not around to gloat to. I had nobody to celebrate with (well that's not true, Scarlett is clearly somebody, & the dog counts too, but I'm not convinced they totally understood).  So I took a video & sent it to friends & family, & spent the evening throwing frequent glances towards the computer screen to see if anyone had responded (ahh, technology can be so lonely sometimes).  Scarlett continued to recite her new word, in her smug little Scarlett way, while her mom continued to encourage it. 

At the time, however, I did not consider the baggage that comes along with this situation, namely, the separation anxiety.  Looking back, it all makes obvious sense, but I hadn't previously made this association.  In moderation, I suppose neither the separation anxiety, nor the thrill of her first word would be as taxing/exciting, but Scarlett chooses to do nothing in moderation, taking each to the extreme, making a bittersweet event out of it.  With this newfound skill, "Mom" literally becomes the word...Mom becomes who she calls out to from her crib.  Mom becomes the one she calls to when she's hungry.  Mom becomes the cry when I leave the room.  Just when you think Mom cannot be  anymore in demand, Mom becomes a word. The word.

Although I don't always want to be in such high demand, I must admit that sometimes it is nice to be wanted, the only one that can calm her when she bumps her head. Plus, I get to hang on to the fact that I am Scarlett's first word, that's pretty special...well, for the moment. 

But then "Mom" starts to take on a new meaning, in fact a number of new meanings.  Suddenly "Mom" becomes food she eats, the toys she plays with, her dad, even the dog.  Now I don't feel so special anymore.  Since then she has expanded her vocablulary to "Amma" (Grandma), "Puh" (Puppy), & "Ba-ba" (Da-da), to the point that "Mom" has become just about obsolete - old news. What next?  No more tears when I leave the room?  

She's only 8 months old, & already I feel like she's growing up too fast.  I have the feeling that I'm in this for a long haul.

Easter Greeting

Careful What You Wish For...

 
Back in my naive Wonder Belly ways, I recall thinking it would be a good thing if my offspring would inherit my hubby's athletic ability & my determination...now, however, this combination does not seem like such a good idea.  Sometimes I think "too bad this disposition couldn't skip the baby stage & show up later in life when it doesn't require constant supervision from mom."
 
Today, while at our Fit for 2 class, Scarlett pulled herself up to standing, using the nearest step-up - a new skill she has figured out in the last week & is practicing quite religiously.  Due to a slippery floor, she went into a wide stance, while turning (looking to see who was watching) & taking one hand off the step.  She then proceeded to take her other hand off her support & I (now standing behind her in case she fell) stood frozen, not sure what to do.  What seemed like a minute, but in reality was only about 1/2 a second, Scarlett stood on her own.  This made me very uneasy.  It made her very proud.  This, I fear, will be her next goal. That & climbing.
 
So why, besides the obvious, does Scarlett's mobile abilities make me nervous?  Of course, the maternal desire to protect my baby from getting hurt is there, but this is something that I knew I would go through, as all mom do I presume.  Perhaps I am worrying for nothing, but the fact that she is able to do so much so early that triggers an alarm...too young to understand the concept of "No" & to learn from the past & be more careful (I cannot count on 2 hands how many times she has conked her head on the floor).  I have a vision of her getting into anything she can get her hands on, & having little tools to teach her right from wrong. With no sign of understanding the consequence, she gets right back to what she was attempting to do the last time she hurt herself.  I'm pretty sure there is a little mischief in there waiting to get out, waiting to explode the minute she takes her first step...& she'll probably be running before she is walking!  
 
Along with her mission to emphasize the concept "growing up to fast," I am seeing another personality trait develop.  Scarlett seems to have no concept of what she is, or rather 'should' be able to do.  I often see her trying to figure out how to stand while in the middle of the room, nothing around her to pull up on.  Despite many attempts & intense concentration, she continues to try.  I see her doing the same thing when it comes to crawling on her knees or feet as opposed to her belly, which doesn't get her anywhere very fast right now, but it's as if she knows that one day it will get her to point B faster, so she must practice in order to perfect it.  And then there is the climbing.  I'm not sure where she thinks she is going, in fact I am not sure she knows...she just keeps lifting that leg, hoping that something will appear beneath it taking her to the next level. This is the determination that has led to this premature Independence at 7 & 1/2 months old.
 
And although I hold to these reservations, I can't help but admire her naive confidence. Her sense that she can do anything, without any preconceived expectations of what she can or cannot do (screw the developmental charts!).  And although I realize this will make my job as a supervising parent & caring mother more difficult, I secretly hope that she doesn't lose this sense of self.  I hope that it remains with her when she grows up & has big dreams, that she approaches life similarly to the way she does now, without allowing anyone or anything to get in her way of reaching for the stars.  ✰✰✰

In the meantime, I guess I must devote what little spare time I once had to making sure she has something soft to land on.  This must be one of those many sacrifices parents make for their children.
 
And so, we enter the next phase...

Wonder Baby Performs

Remember all that talk about Wonder Baby before she was even Wonder Baby?  Could this have led to some form of a self-fullfilling prophecy?  And so I ask myself...what have I done?

When I referred to my future offspring as "Wonder Baby" I definitely did not think she would have super natural abilities, in fact I didn't really expect anything more than a perfectly average child.  So when Scarlett arrived we were quite proud of her perfect score on the apgar.  She continued to impress us with the premature achievements that followed.....her unusually loud first cry - before she was even fully delivered, her early wide-eyed ability to track us across the room,  & her superstar ability to roll over at just 4 weeks, to name a few.  I had no choice but to tell people that she didn't get the memo about what she was (not) supposed to be able to do.

Scarlett continues to surprise us, with her athletic skills - not unheard of, but she manages to conquer most of the developmental benchmarks by a minimum of a month, followed by a glance around the room to see who's watching.  In fact, when in public, I often have to repress my pride & refrain from encouraging Scarlett to perform.  After all, we don't want other babes her age to feel that they are lagging behind.  It's hard work being a Wonder Baby's mom. 

"So what's the problem?" you think.  Well yes, I must admit that we are quite proud of this genetic code we managed to compose, but hear me this, with Wonder Baby abilities comes Wonder Baby personality, & I am starting to see a precocious little rebel develop.  I wonder to myself (but suspect the contrary) "Are temper tantrums normal for all 4 month olds?" & "Do all 6 month olds smile every time mom says 'no', or when mom is coughing from choking?" (seriously) Every once in a while she shoots me a look that I should be getting from a 3, 6 or 13 year old, & I get scared. 

And then there is this spell she seems to have on us.  Suddenly the world revolves around her.  If we are doing something that isn't in the best interest of Wonder Baby, we feel this gut wrenching guilt.  If she cries we run to her.  If she is doing something she shouldn't, we just can't get mad when she gives that infectious smile.  I'm pretty sure the hex is twice as bad for her dad.  If this is what she is capable of in her first 6 months, what is she going to grow capable of as she gets bigger & stronger.  I think I have every right to be scared.

However, for every superhero, there is a weakness, right?  It is quite obvious to me what Scarlett's 'kryptonite' is (although her appearing attention deficit symptoms come in close second): separation from her mom.  Only really developing now, it is making my life a lot more complicated.  Not aloud to leave, I now have another full time job, & feel the world is at stake if I am not in the same room as Scarlett.  (On the other hand, I seem to be the only one with a certain 'special power' over my child, I feel I must use this carefully & wisely).  Will she ever overcome this? Or is my life completely & drastically altered for the rest of time?  Probably a little of both.  


I must go help save the world now.  So, until we meet again...